anniversary!

Today is my 4th wedding anniversary! Hubby gave me a beautiful, new diamond ring. He's such a great guy. Sometimes I think I don't deserve the love he bestows on me. I am one lucky chick!

simple

simple should be my middle name, or first name. I don't always 'get it' when someone says something, or writes something to me. I think it makes me look simple or dumb. but, I can only be myself, so, people will just have to accept that. sometimes I brush it off and chalk it up to being blonde. sometimes I don't hear it, or comprehend in time. maybe I'm just slow. I don't necessarily think this is bad, and I'm not beating myself up over it. it's just something I have to work with and overcome within my personality.

please come back

attn: charles p. please return and report to the office. you are missed.

alley kitten

I have 3 wild kittens in my garden. Can't come near them, but I took this pic through our window facing the garden.



precious!

Missing - Beck (song of the day)

I prayed heaven today
Would bring its hammer down on me
And pound you out of my head
I can't think with you in it
I'd drag all that I owned
Down the dirt road to find you
And my shoes, worn-out and used
They can't take me much farther
Ohhh

Something always takes the place of missing pieces
You can take and put together even though
You know there's something missing
The sun burned a hole in my roof
I can't seem to fix it
And I hope rain doesn't come
Wash me down the gutter

Something always takes the place of missing pieces
You can take and put together even though
You know there's something missing

She rides in a car
Like a queen on a card
And the guns of her mind
Aim a line straight at mine
To a heart that is broke
Tried to feel but got choked
In the smoke of a desert
A beach with no treasure
A night that seems blue
Feed the aching in you
And the background birds
Take a flight from the earth
A bonfire burns
And the night current turns
On a lifeboat floating
Down a river of sleep
Can't see her hollow eyes
Walking along with my boots full of rocks
Can't believe these tears of mine
I give 'em to you to keep away in a box

Something always takes the place of missing pieces
You can take and put together even though
You know there's something missing
Something always missing
Always someone missing something
Something always missing
Always someone missing something
Something always missing
Always someone missing something
Something always missing

Easy, Lucky, Free - Bright Eyes

Did it all get real, I guess it's real enough
They got refridgerators full of blood
Another century spent pointing guns
At anything that moves
Sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot
My twitching muscles tease my flippant thoughts
I never really dreamed of heaven much
Until we put him in the ground
But it's all I'm doing now
Listening for patterns in the sound
Of an endless static sea
But once the satellite's deceased
It blows like arbors through the streets
Of the night sky to infinity

But don't you weep (don't you weep for them)
Don't you weep (don't you weep)
There is nothing as lucky
Honey, don't you weep (don't you weep for them)
Don't you weep (don't you weep)
There is nothing as lucky, as easy, and free

Don't be a criminal in this police state
You better shop and eat and procreate
You got vacation days then you might escape
To a condo on the coast
I set my watch to the atomic clock
I watch the crowd count down til the bomb gets dropped
I always figured that there'd be time enough
I never let it get me down
But I can't help it now
Looking for faces in the clouds
I got some friends I barely see
But we're all planning to meet
We'll lay in bags as dead as leaves
All together for eternity

But don't you weep (don't you weep for them)
Don't you weep (don't you weep)
There is no one as lucky
Honey, don't you weep (don't you weep for them)
Don't you weep (don't you weep)
There is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free
Or free, or free, or free
There's nothing, there's nothing, there's nothing...

CAN'T

can't get started today; just can't! too many distractions. grrrrrrrrr.

the best

testing

this is something that happens...

what happened to it????

YAY! KOOLAID!!!

my blog looks funny

all my links and stuff are at the bottom and I can't figure it out. JUST CAN'T!

in other news, I won bingo down at open house in my gym and got a free month membership fee. HUZZAH!!!!!

today: coffee, summer and a song

grande, triple shot, skim vanilla latte. boy, I sure am disciplined when it comes to this no caffiene thing....but it's tasty!

it's the first official day of Summer! my favorite season. fun in the garden & fun in the sun. YAY!!!

"Take, Take, Take" - White Stripes (yes)

I was sitting there in a comfortable chair
And that was all that I needed
Then my friend offered me a drink for us to share
And that was all that I needed
Well, then I felt at ease
But then I'm not too hard to please
I guess you couldn't call me greedy
Then I was shocked to look up
And see rita hayworth there in a place so seedy
She walked into the bar with her long, red, curly hair
And that was all that I needed
And I said to my friend,
"good god, we're lucky men just to even see her"

Take, take, take
Take, take, take
Take, take, take

And I could not resist,
I just had to get close to her
And that was all that I needed
I walked and loomed around her table for a while
And that was all that I needed
Then I said, "i hate to bug you, ma'am, but can I have your autograph?"
And that was all that I needed
She pressed her lips against a white piece of paper
And that was all that I needed
Then I saw what she wrote, my heart is in my mouth
And that was all that I needed
Then she handed it to me,
and I think that she could see
That that was all that I needed
I started to walk away but then I remembered
'hey, I forgot to get a picture'
So I asked her one more time,
"could I have another favor?"
That was all that I needed
She was kind and posed with me
Then I knew my friend would see my celebrity meeting

Take, take, take
Take, take, take
Take, take, take

She turned and said to me,
"I need to go to sleep,"
And it seemed so mean
It's almost as if she could not appreciate how cool I was being
She said, "good night" and walked away
And I didn't know what to say
I just couldn't believe it
Well, it's just not fair
I want to get a piece of hair
That was all that I needed
Or maybe a kiss on the cheek
I wouldn't wash it for a week
That would be all that I needed
But she didn't even care
That I was even there
What a horrible feeling

I feel

like certain emotions or feelings have to be expressed. or maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. I can keep secrets and be trustworthy. but when I feel something strongly, I'm usually pretty good about saying what I feel, in one form or another. it isn't always the wisest thing to do. when it is anger or bitterness, one should hold their tongue, and I've learned to do that and practice it. but when I like things or people, I feel it's almost important to express that. I could be wrong; I'm good at scaring people away when I do such things...

Wrong Side of the Road - Tom Waits (hot)

put a dead cat on the railroad tracks
when the wolf bains blooming by the tressel
and get the eyeball of a rooster
and the stones from a ditch
and wash em down with bilge water
and you say you'll never snitch
take the buttons from a yellow jacket
the feafrom a buzzard
and thr blood from a bounty hunters cold black heart
catch the tears of a widow
in a thimble made of glass
tell your mama and papa
they can kick your ass
poison all the water in the wishin well
and hang all them scarecrows from a sycamore tree
burn down all those honeymoons
put em in a pillow case
and wait next to the switch blades
at the amusement park for me
strangle all the christmas carols
scratch out all your prayers
tie em up with barbed wire
and push them down the stairs
and i'll whittle you a pistol
for keeping nightmares of the blinds
those sunabitches always seem to sneake up from behind
syphon all the gas from your daddys pickup truck
fill up johnnys t bird
i got a couple of bucks
put a little perfume and ribbon in your hair
careful that you don't wake up the hounds
tear a bolt of lightning
of the side of the sky
and throw it in the cedar chest
if you want to tell me why
bring the gear shift knob from a 49 merc
and lay down here beside me
let me hold you in the dirt
and you'll tremble as the flames
tear the throat out of the night
sink your teeth into my shoulder
dig your nails into my back
tell that little girl to let go of my sleeve
you'll be a woman when i catch you
as you fall in love with me
then with my double barrel shotgun
and a whole box of shells
we'll celebrate the 4 of july
we'll do 100 mph
spendin someone elses dough
and we'll drive all the way to reno
on the wrong side of the road

today

grande, triple shot, skim, toffee nut latte. mmmmmmmm........

lilies

heart

the heart wants what is unattainable
regardless of the space between
or circumstance existing
it pulls at the soul
neglecting reason
pushing the brain into fantasy
sensation and longing
dreams and imagination
anticipation of the things
that happen in shadow; in the dark
soul to soul
through touch and baring skin
communication of feeling
sensations that used to be
the heart wants to attain
what circumstance holds at bay

another flower

first hollyhock bloom of the year

a flower

Talking Shit - Modest Mouse

Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight
Looking kind of anxious in your cross armed stance
Like a bad tempered prom queen at a homecoming dance
And I claim I’m not excited with my life any more
So I blame this town, this job, these friends
The truth is it’s myself
And I’m trying to understand myself
And pinpoint where I am
By the time I get things figured out
I’ve change the whole damn plan
Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight

Talking shit about a pretty sunset
Blanketing opinions that I’ll probably reget soon
I’ve changed my mind so much I cant even trust it
My mind changed me so much
I cant even trust myself

not a cry baby

I'm not a cry baby. I didn't cry when I came home. For now, I'm over it.

breakdown

damn, I'm a drama queen. I feel like I need to go home and have a good cry. this stress is just killing me. ugh.

6:30 Wednesday meeting

It's time for a meeting, every Wednesday at 6:30. I always dread it, but when I get there, I'm usually glad I went. Plus, I get to walk down to Gramercy Park, where all the beautiful people live. There is an actual park there, but it's gated and you can't get in if you don't own property around there. Bastards.

Invisible Man - The Breeders

He's the Invisible Man
Count the bubbles in your hand
The southern skies
And the summer sites

That's all that's left behind
The skies, and a sweet caress
He's the Invisible Man
Catch him if you can

You're nowhere in sight (just imagine that)
Nothing excites you (baby, that's a fact)
Open your eyes
Look and you will find

That's all that's left behind...
the skies
And a sweet caress
The skies, the sights
And a sweet caress
He's the Invisible Man
Catch him if you can

That's all that's left behind...
the skies
And a sweet caress
The skies, the sights
And a sweet caress
He's the Invisible Man
Catch him if you can

power back on

came back on around midnight. damn, it was getting hot; couldn't sleep. ugh.

the power is out on Neptune

The power is out on Neptune Avenue
it's the hottest day so far this summer
but it's quiet
but only on Neptune
black on the street
black in the yard
dark in the house
I hope the stuff in the refrigerator doesn't spoil

grape vines old and new

Charles P

Charles is probably my best internet friend. He has a fun blog called 'This is something that happens.' It's a must read; see the link.

on edge

I'm a bit on edge today. I did not want to come to work today after yesterday's afternoon crash. As usual, I fear the worst for the next two weeks. I'm just under so much pressure, I can hardly bare it. But I have to.

Confusion in her eyes that says it all.
She's lost control.
And she's clinging to the nearest passer by,
She's lost control.
And she gave away the secrets of her past,
And said I've lost control again,
And a voice that told her when and where to act,
She said I've lost control again.
And she turned around and took me by the hand and said,
I've lost control again.
And how I'll never know just why or understand,
She said I've lost control again.
And she screamed out kicking on her side and said,
I've lost control again.
And seized up on the floor,
I thought she'd die.
She said I've lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.
Well I had to 'phone her friend to state my case,
And say she's lost control again.
And she showed up all the errors and mistakes,
And said I've lost control again.
But she expressed herself in many different ways,
Until she lost control again.
And walked upon the edge of no escape,
And laughed I've lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.

today in the garden

feel pretty good

I feel pretty good today. Everyone talks about how bad the sun is for you, but I like it. It does wonders for my state of mind.

Pray for Doris

My Grandma Doris, last living grandparent, is having hip surgery this coming Tuesday. She is 81 and has never had 1 surgery before; at least not in my lifetime. She's a great lady. So, please pray for her, or send vibes, whatever people do. Thanks!

please don't apologize to me for feeling

someone I barely know said this to me and it really made me feel good; but of course I cried too. I'm tearful as I type it out. lately I'm an emotional wreck and I'm so tired of it. but it's good to know people care. if you read this, tell the people you love that you care about them; it really matters.

Reservations - Wilco

This song explains how I feel today:

How can I convince you it's me I don't like
And not be so indifferent to the look in your eyes
When I've always been distant
And I've always told lies for love
I'm bound by these choices so hard to make
I'm bound by the feeling so easy to fake
None of this is real enough to take me from you

Oh I've got reservations
About so many things
But not about you

I know this isn't what you were wanting me to say
How can I get closer and be further away
From the truth that proves it's beautiful to lie

I've got reservations
About so many things
But not about you
I've reservations
About so many things
But not about you
Not about you
Not about you
Not about you
Not about you

Happy Birthday Charles P!

It's Charles P's birthday today.
This morning I bought a Starbucks
French Vanilla, triple shot latte in his honor.
Have a great day Charles!

It is also my friend Jill's birthday;
another great person. Birthdays
all around!

quiet time

I love coming into the house
at the end of the day
and it's quiet
no one's home except the cat
and she's on her back waiting
for a belly rub
no television on
no computer
silence in the house
beautiful silence....

New Order / Procession

There is no end to this
I have seen your face
But I don't recognize all these things
You must have left behind
It's a problem, you know
That's been there all your life
I try to make you see the world without a view
That just turn black and white
At night it gets cold and
You'd dearly like to turn away
The escape that fillsthat makes you want to turn on heel
Alone, alone, alone, alone
There is no end to this
I can't turn away
Another picture but the scene
It's still the same
There is no room to move
Or try to look away
Remember, life is strange
The life keeps getting stranger every day
I try so hard but this attitudes
A type that won't subside
No matter what they say
Remember your heart beats you day at night
Your heart beats you day at night

UP YOURS

this is a great song by the X-Ray Specs. It's old now. :/

Bind me tie me
Chain me to the wall
I wanna be a slave
To you all

Oh bondage up yours
Oh bondage no more
Oh bondage up yours
Oh bondage no more

Chain-store chain-smoke
I consume you all
Chain-gang chain-mail
I don't think at all

Oh bondage up yours
Oh bondage no more
Oh bondage up yours
Oh bondage no more

Thrash me crash me
Beat me till I fall
I wanna be a victim
For you all

Oh bondage up yours
Oh bondage no more
Oh bondage up yours
Oh bondage no more

head

I found this pic while I was searching for avatars and stuff. Hope I'm not violating any laws by posting it.

more garden stuff

on the beach

One of my favorite things to do is walk on the beach.Walking along the shoreline, it seems as if the shore is endless and one could walk forever. It doesn't end. I wish other things in life were like that.

garden June 5 2005

sculpture by Scott

caffeine

dear god, I have to try and stop drinking caffeine. this is going to be difficult because I love it and drink quite a bit. lately, when I get up, I've had a pot brewing of some kind of nice starbucks coffee, or gevalia. I'll drink 3 small cups, black with some sugar, before I leave the house. also, lately, I've been spoiling or 'treating' myself to a latte before I get to work. this usually consists of a triple shot, skim hazelnut, almond, caramel or vanilla latte. that's usually the end of it. but today at lunch I had a coke while I walked around Bryant Park. in doing some reading and asking a friend, I think caffeine has been attributing to PMS and emotional issues, as reflected in previous posts. so, I'm going to give it a whirl. slowly, and drink decaf.

I'm gonna die...

drowning

I think drowning would be the worst kind of death ever. I just started watching some movie on HBO, it must be in the middle or towards the end. There's this horrible storm on the sea and these sailors are out on this ship. They have to abandon ship and some other sailors are trapped on the ship and have to go down with it. You can see them. Slowly going under. I don't even know what movie this is, but when that was happening, I almost started crying. Scary.

edit** the movie is Albatross. now Sting is singing the them song...ugh

stay gold

black spot

there's a black spot in my brain
dark, deepest place one can get to
inside of the head
further into the things I don't
want to face about myself
beyond the mundane
polar opposite of the joy or any light
covered by the beligerent prank monkey
black anger and pitiless resolve
teatering on this edge
throw myself in front of a train
cut myself
express this darkness
things my hand won't pass through
the black spot throws me through the window
hurls things around the room
beats the door down
breaks my knuckles
when my fist hits the wall
and the pain doesn't matter
it's just other pain
covering the real pain
that's in the black spot