ok
I'm feeling a little better now. went to my Wednesday night meeting and spoke to a friend about what's going on and it helped a lot.
I am going to say this now and hope that I'm not putting 'too much' out there. being a functioning addict is very difficult. I abused painkillers for a long, long time. it has been a year and 3 months since I've taken a narcotic painkiller and I'm very proud of that. but, I smoke pot, have the occassional (sp?) drink, and I have a couple of other medications that are addictive that I take for other medical issues - I do not abuse these medications because of the group I go to - pills anonymous. it really, really helps but, I'm not a t-totaller because there are certain things I just can't stop taking out of fear. klonopin for one is a complete nightmare to stop. I could stop smoking pot, if I wanted to. but I don't want to. it's been in my life for 20 years and been a friend. that is very much an 'addict's' way of reasoning, but I don't go into a total panic if pot is not around. I'm for legalizing it. anyway, we had a big meeting tonight, which was very encouraging since we've had a steady group of just 3 of us for a while now. but I didn't speak, and wasn't even sure I wanted to speak in front of all of those people. but one woman that has been there for a while pulled me aside and could tell something was wrong. so we talked and it felt good to get that validation. usually I give the validation to others. the feeling that you have inspired someone is immeasurable. but I couldn't give and I felt guilty about that; on top of being pissed at a co-worker that I had an argument with, my whole work situation, and being depressed over the hurricane and New Orleans. just too much stress and strife built up in one day. but still, I feel that looming depression and I hope I can combat this successfully this year. it's very important because there have been times when I've had suicidal thoughts and I don't like that. it's very scary and not something that I really ever want to do or put anyone through. oh, I can't believe I'm going to press the publish button, but here it goes...
posted by JFlickerson @ 9/07/2005 09:47:00 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
thanks man!
banjo says he'd bite your nose if he could (and that's a good thing) and asks about how does one deal with medications taken in order to simply exist. Klonopin has kept me out of the hospital now for over five years--does that mean i'm addicted to it? Hmmmmm.
xoxo
most likely, yes. Klonopin is very, very addictive. but it serves a great purpose for anxiety. my mom also takes it, in minimal doses and has not been able to stop. several years ago, I tried to stop and it was a complete nightmare. if you do want to stop, it has to be done very slowly and under a physician that knows what the hell they are dealing with. it is amazing how little dr's in America know about weening people off of benzos. xoxo to you and banjo!
i guess what i don't understand is that meds like insulan which folks are "addicted to" because they take it every day are different from a medication that keeps you from having seizures and keeps one's sorry ass out of the emergency room? Not trying to be contrary or make light of addiction--i honestly don't understand...
oh, well that is different then. you are taking it for a reason other than panic attacks and sleep. didn't know that. it's addictive in the sense that if one were to try to get off of it, they would have withdrawals. this goes for anyone that would be taking it. if you had to stop taking the Klonopin, you would have other side effects besides seizures. in the case of someone like me, while I don't abuse the Klonopin, it still controls certain chemicals in the brain and acts as a substitute for natural chemicals that allow the brain to stay in control and calm the body down during a panic attack. it's a tranquilizer and controlled substance. there is a great website that you can learn about benzos: http://www.benzo.org.uk/
it explains more about how these medications work. by no means would I suggest that you stop taking the Klonopin (not a dr here). but by nature, the drug is addictive.
also, I must clarify what an 'addict' is. if you are taking you medication properly, even if it has physically addictive components, you are not an addict in the classic sense. an addict is someone who abuses drugs or their medication, like I did with my pain killers.
I just found out that the X's sister has turned into an oxycontin addict. This after years of abusing all kinds of painkillers...and she's a nurse. I can't believe she hasn't lost her job yet.
wow! oxy is pretty bad stuff. I have a relative that takes it. it's prescribed to her, but regardless, it is very, VERY physically addictive. she has been taking it for years now. on top of a bunch of other shit.
yesterday, my dr brought up getting off of the Klonopin for the first time. I really want to stop, but I'm scared and it's going to be tough. and it will take a long time. I just hope I can find the right psych that will ween me off right.
I hope for the best for you former sister in law. that's tough.t
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